Last time you were romantic?
I brought Sally a diamond in South Africa so she could have it made into anything she wanted… so long as it is not an expensive ring, the diamond isn’t that big.
Last time you broke a bone?
Don’t get me started, I’m sat here with my leg in a cast, not a bone I know but can you imagine what it’s like when I go into hospital. The administration nurse stands there with her clipboard and pen and asks “have you broken anything or had any illnesses”, “where do I start” I answer before reeling off whatever I can remember. Both ankles have been in casts, cartilage in the knee, broken pelvis, snapped off my coccyx, fractured no11 in my spine, punctured my lung and lost a third of it in the process. I have broken the ribs in my chest too often to recall, though fracturing four next to my spine was a lot more painful. Tore ligaments off my shoulder and dislocated the other one twice, broken my arm, bent the plate and had the elbow jump out of it socket. Burst two disks in my neck and smashed my head into the ground so hard it knocked off all the smell receptacles in my scull… oh yeah, and I had cancer.
Last time you were jealous?
Jealousy’s a funny one; it all depends on the context. In marriage I think a little is a good thing; my mum always told me there’s no love with out jealousy, the next time you see your wife talking to some good looking guy, ask yourself if my mum is right. On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting what others have so long as it drives you to achieve it. We all want to win the lotto right! Maybe I don’t buy a ticket that often but my life is driven by the thought of winning the jackpot.Truth is, that “what if” is what drives me. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing I always ask the question “what if I won the lottery”, if the answer is “do what I’m doing” then I know I’m on the right track. Sure that “do what I’m doing” would have some embellishment, but isn’t that what we all need ?, a direction and goal to strive for. Only thing about the lottery that worries me is actually winning it, you’d have everything you wanted and want for nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be skint but we all need a little wanting, I mean, who isn’t jealous of the guys who windsurf every day, but what if you really had too ?
Last time you did something really embarrassing?
It’s a dad’s job to be embarrassing, though it’s the fear of what you can do that keeps the kids on their toes. I was told you only ever get one chance at a first impression so when being introduced to your daughter’s first boyfriend I guessed this was the moment. I have a knife that’s a bigger, nastier version of Rambo’s, so when my daughter asked me to come to the front door to meet her boyfriend it seemed to be a fitting companion. He was quite clearly unsure about meeting me and had brought along his mates for moral support. As he put out his wavering hand, I brought mine out from behind my back along with the words “Who the f**k is Rob”.