DILEMMAS
The success of my movies also put a lot of questions in my head though – especially about my changing life. Should I film less and be the windsurfer? Or be the promotion guy? I tried to do both at the highest level and at the height of it I did the filming, production, financing and promotion for Four Dimensions, and competed on the PWA and EFPT tour. To be honest, I was not surprised when I became sick. I went well over my limits. I demanded too much from my body, I was tired and always kept going. I was never at home, never took any time off. After the world cup in Sylt I was usually at my parent’s house for a week to wash all my clothes and sort out my administration, then I went to Venezuela or Brazil, followed by Hawaii and from there on to Podersdorf to start the tour again. I did that for seven years. How can you endure that? That’s crazy!
The year before I found out I was ill, I felt ill. Mentally as well. I wasn’t motivated, felt a bit lethargic. I had so many questions in my head. What to do after windsurfing? Where am I going? Should I go to university, move back to Hamburg? I had lost direction and was feeling a bit anxious about the future. I had done well for myself, won two European titles, had had top ten results in the PWA, but I’m not stupid. It was obvious that this wasn’t going to last forever. All this thinking and worrying can exhaust you. I didn’t even really feel like windsurfing for a while. I was still away all the time, but spent more time going out at night than windsurfing during the day. A big difference to the beginning, when I spent seven hours on the water each day, learning 20 new moves in one season. I had lost that feeling.
