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MY FORWARD LOOP JOURNEY: TOBY FOSTER

Toby Foster tells us about his 30 year forward loop journey and how he eventually managed to conquer his fears!

Words: Toby Foster // Photos: Roger Protzen, Holly Coombes, Toby Foster, Matt Pritchard and Kevin Pritchard.

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Every journey starts with a single step. However, my forward loop journey could only begin once I summoned the courage to take that first step! I should rewind, I’ve been windsurfing for 40 years and wave sailing for 30 of those. Part of me is defined as a windsurfer, it’s what I do and what my friends and family know I spend a lot of time (and money) doing.

In my mind there are a few critical moves that take you from being a windsurfer into the heady realm of ‘wave sailor’ – namely the water start, the (power) gybe and being able to jump. The next big step is being able to do a forward loop. When I first tell people that I windsurf, the inevitable first question is, “Can you do a loop?” Whereupon I mumble something about attempting a few back loops at some point in my career! Needless to say, for 30 years I should have been doing forwards, but I haven’t, not even trying them, and I have therefore been disappointed in myself for 3 decades!

MENTAL BLOCK

My brother, Rich Foster, is an ex-pro windsurfer living in Maui and has spent hours with me trying to coax me into trying a forward loop. He has pulled out all the techniques, but to no avail and has sailed off with, what I am sure is, a deep sense of disappointment in his younger brother. Every time I have a great windsurfing session, whether it’s in Kimmeridge, Fuerteventura or Maui, I go to bed with a sense that I have let myself down. As such, I have long resigned myself to the fact that, on my deathbed, I will have one major regret – why didn’t I even try a forward loop.

This sounds a bit trite, as windsurfing is only a sport, right? But I think there’s more to this than that – this is about overcoming an innate fear. Getting past these mental blocks is how we develop as humans into the person we want to be and is just as relevant to accomplishing our broader life goals as it is to our hobbies; be it living abroad, selling the house and living on a yacht or those more day-to-day things, like going for that new job or giving a presentation at work.

FEAR

But my innate fear was based on what? Rewind 45 years and I remember in my primary school playground there were some metal bars, just above waist height, that all the other kids used to do forward rolls around, but not me. The idea of plunging my head towards the concrete filled me with dread. I was 7 then and now I’m 52, but that fear is still with me. But I think there’s more to it than that. As you’re reading this, I’ll assume you’re a windsurfer too, so hopefully you’ll appreciate my predicament. I define myself as a ‘good’ windsurfer, but can I really claim that accolade if I can’t even attempt one of the key manoeuvres that, in my mind, makes someone really good?

As you can imagine, I’ve given this some thought over those 30 years! I think there are two ‘fears’ at work here:

Fear of injury – the innate need for self-preservation is something that literally keeps us alive. Jumping in the air with 20 kg of hard equipment at 20 knots and throwing your face at the water is akin to slamming on the front brakes on your bike at the same speed going down a hill, i.e., not something that seems like a good idea! This may look like the driving factor blocking me from attempting forward loops, but I’m really not worried about injury and have long been a believer (from first-hand experience) that getting hurt is often far more traumatic for the onlookers. But, from my school days there is still a significant element of it here, so let’s give it a contributing factor of about 50%.

Fear of failure – this, I believe makes up the remaining 50%. Having told myself I’m a good windsurfer, imagine how I would feel if I attempted a forward loop, and couldn’t do one? Then, a sport that partly defines me as a person is something that I’m really not very good at, because as everyone knows (from magazines and video tutorials) if you can gybe, you can do a forward! I would have to deal with not just a minor bruise to my ego, but have to cut half of it out.

MOTIVATION

So, it appears, I am stuck in a hellhole of self-loathing and disappointment. Until, that is, I recently returned to Maui to visit my brother and went to rent some windsurfing kit. I had previously met Matt Pritchard, years ago, when my brother was still actively involved in the windsurfing scene out there. In fact, I went to his 30^th birthday party held at a house he shared with his equally famous brother, Kevin. Obviously, as a windsurfer, I was mildly star-struck and spent the entire evening aimlessly wandering around with my eyes bulging when I saw the range of toys in their garage; think Hamleys for extreme sports!

Anyway, back to the story! Matt now rents the latest windsurfing kit at very reasonable rates and on my second day I arrive (in paradise) at Matt’s lock-up with my daughter to collect 3 sails, 2 carbon masts, a carbon boom and an 82 litre wave board (the standard Maui setup). We chatted and just before I left (aware that Matt is also an accomplished windsurf coach) I mentioned that I had a mental block about doing forward loops. No problem, says Matt, we can sort that out and to add a bit of motivation to the mix we shook hands on a deal; if I didn’t attempt a forward loop while on Maui, I would pay him $1000 for the rental (almost double). Such was my fear, I drove to the beach with a stone pit in my stomach; the word butterflies does not do the feeling justice!

NO EXCUSES

I spent the next 10 days windsurfing, learning to wing foil and showing my daughter around this beautiful island. I would occasionally see Matt on the water coaching, but secretly hoping that he’d forgotten about our arrangement and that I would escape this island without having to attempt the unattemptable! Then, a few days before we were due to fly home, I get the following message:

“Hey bud, good morning. Should be some good sailing the next few days. You ready to get this done? I’ll be teaching at Kanaha today 12-2, maybe we can go out after for a session. Thoughts? Aloha, Matt.”

Gulp. He hadn’t forgotten. I replied that I would see him there and was looking forward to it (sort of!!). His response was, “Get it in your head that this is going to happen today. No excuses, no questions, it’s on.” Double gulp – he was going to hold me to it!

Years ago, when I entered an Ironman, I figured the more people I told, the more likely I was to go through with it, so I immediately told as many people as possible that I was going to conquer one of my ‘life demons’ (forward looping) that very afternoon; my 14-year-old daughter was non-plussed. The 4 hours before I left seemed like the longest 4 hours of my life, I couldn’t eat and before I knew it, I was in the pick-up truck heading down the hill to the beach. The constant narrative in my head was, “Next time I see that tree, hut, shop, person [insert everything I passed], I will (might) have tried a forward loop.”

Before I knew it, I was at the beach and Matt bounded over and very quickly walked me through what we would be doing: a quick theory session on the beach, some on-water drills to get me used to ‘going over the bars’ and then hit a ramp and go for it! Apparently, conditions were perfect, nuking cross-shore wind and 2-3 foot swell; typical.

SHOWTIME

After the theory session was over, I rigged up like a man condemned and made every rigging mistake known; I even put my shortie on backwards (I thankfully thought to wear a wetsuit to help ease the inevitable sting if (when) my back hit the water). Soon enough though, I was on the water and the moment had arrived.

Matt was out sailing already and told me to head to the outside (beyond the reef) and demonstrated what he wanted me to do: out of the footstraps, push the front arm forward, pull in with the back hand and let the wind catapult me forward. I then repeated this a few times with Matt sailing behind me filming every moment on his helmet camera. A few bits of advice and I was kind of getting it, so far so good, I thought. Matt then demos a couple of jumps, but exaggerates lifting the back foot and, again, I repeat what he had shown me. Easy stuff this forward looping! Then Matt shouts across, “Ok, let’s do this” and I instantly thought, “I could do with a shark attack right about now – bloody things, never there when you need them!”

THE MOMENT

I sailed back in past the break and gybed, this was it, this was the moment that my windsurfing life had been leading to, I was going to do a forward loop! I went off the wind, accelerated and in a vain attempt to get it over with, hit the smallest ramp and went for it – push the front hand, pull with the back, and lift the back foot. And it worked, sort of. I felt the sail gain a huge amount of front-hand power and it started to pull me round. I say started, because my lack of altitude meant that the surface of the water abruptly halted my rotation with a not so gentle slap to the back. The failure was instantly replaced with a huge feeling of euphoria. I had done it. I had made a 100% committed attempt at a forward loop. I almost cried (I did cry).

Matt sailed up and gave me some more tips and I tried again, and again, and again. At my last attempt I was fully comfortable with the initial commitment and the feeling of being whipped round and knew that my journey had started, with just a single step. I didn’t sail away from any attempt, but I can categorically say that this was the best windsurfing session of my life.

WHAT CHANGED

I’ve spent the time since trying to unpick what changed in my head. My fear of injury was reduced by having a professional (and well respected) coach walk me through the process, building my confidence step-by-step through drills both on land and water. After these drills were complete, I had a real belief that this manoeuvre would not (could not) hurt me if I committed to it.

Adding Matt to the situation changed my ‘fear of failure’ to a ‘fear of letting him down’. I had noticed that during the session, not only did I make multiple loop attempts, but also my gybing was smoother and my jumps higher. I even managed what felt like a tweaked table top! Nothing had changed within me, but by changing the environment (introducing Matt), I had changed the way fear was motivating me. From stopping me from trying something, to worrying about not trying it.

Is there a moral to this story? From a sports perspective, yes. Most of us don’t need full time coaching, but to progress to the next level I have found time with a professional coach can give you just the boost you need and make you enjoy your windsurfing way more. I had been lazy, stuck in a windsurfing rut and it took the advice and guidance of a coach that I have a huge amount of respect for to get me out of it. There’s probably a life lesson in there, but I’m now too busy windsurfing to think of one! Teach an old dog a new trick? – you betcha!